Suspension of Disbelief

Archive for February 2009

And Then We Kiss…

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It was February 2, around 2:20 in the morning, when I received an SMS from Matthew, asking if we can still meet.




His name is Matthew. I dated him back in 2007. He’s an I.T. Specialist, who naturally spends more time at work than to himself or to his social life.


We met in the chatroom. He went to my place for a simple one-night only thing. And so we did. And after having sex for several minutes, he stayed to talk, something unusual for a one-night stand. We ended the night with a hug and a really memorable kiss, and the promised we will meet again.


It took him several weeks to contact me again.


I was with my group mates one night, still back in college, shooting a short film for a school project, when I received an SMS from him. He asked me if I want to meet, and I replied “Yes” to him.


After that night, we continued exchanging messages while flirting to each other. By that time, I knew to myself that I was madly in-love with him.


I discovered that he’s a Thespian. He is a member of a choir group, and been with the CCP umbrella for several years. He’s an artist, a classical artist. He loves opera. And he’s been single for a long time.


We continued to exchange messages for weeks and weeks, but we don’t meet, because of his work schedule and my wanting to finish college as fast as I could.


Along with our exchange of messages and the seldom calls, I realized that we’re both not ready to enter a relationship that time and what’s been happing between us is just an electric shock to remind us the reality of things, that  it’s not easy being in a relationship.


We reached the point that we became really good friends, good friends who have good sex with each other. From then on, it seemed like we signed and unwritten contract, that we’ll meet at least every 2 or 3 months, to catch up or do anything. The set-up has been like that since then.


Until he moved to Singapore…




I was out with Jeff, Nicole and Bernard that morning, walking around, killing time. I replied to his message, “Sure. What time will you be here?”




One of the reasons why I went to KL last January 1st was to meet Matthew halfway.


The last time I was in KL was October last year, we’re supposed to meet in Singapore but I was too busy helping my brother with his errands, and so it got cancelled.


Last December, Matthew was supposed to visit Manila to spend his Christmas here and to finally make-up for the “lost” chance we had last October, again, it was cancelled because of his work.


I spent the whole first week of January in KL, waiting for Matthew to come to KL, like what we agreed before the New Year. But as the first weekend of the year approached, he sent me an SMS saying that he was checked-in the hospital because of some infection


I was really frustrated. It seemed like every time we plan a meet-up, something will come up and so we’ll have to cancel our meeting again and again.


I managed to control myself and replied, “Oh, too bad, I was looking forward to spend time with you. Take care.” He replied quickly with, “Baby, I’ll be in Manila by end of January. I will definitely meet you no matter what happen.”




Around 2:40 in the morning, he sent a message saying that he’s already outside my house waiting.


I was still with Jeff walking our way back to my house. I started to panic. This is like a wild card moment for the two of us. We planned to go out and have coffee somewhere to catch up that night.


Jeff and I arrived in front my house 2:42AM.


He was standing outside his car with his arms fold.


“Is it you?,”  I asked. He smiled and walked towards my direction and gave me a big hug and then he kissed me. And he said, “Nice haircut, I really like it.”


Jeff went inside of the house to get his stuff and left.


I asked Matthew to go inside my house first to wait for me, because I still need to change.


We entered my room, he sat on my bed, the way he acted – it seemed like he’s very comfortable and familiar with my room. While I was going through my closet, looking for a nice shirt to wear for our coffee date, he asked me to sit beside him on the bed. So I did.


He pulled me closer to him and hugged me. “How are you?” he asked. “It hasn’t been that nice these past weeks, ‘because it seemed like the universe has been playing with us. Three of our scheduled meetings got cancelled because of silly reasons. But you can’t paint the happiness I feel now.” I smiled.


“I’m going to kiss you now Matthew, can’t help it.” I said. Matthew smiled and answered, “Okay.”


I leaned forward and kissed him.




We had sex for more than an hour and a half. It was exquisite. It was euphoric. Like nothing I’ve felt before.


We showered together after.




We continued to catch up with each other after we showered.


I discovered that he knows The Curator. He dated him back in 2003. Matthew warned me to be careful with him, because everything The Curator does is just knee-jerk.


Our conversation seemed like forever. And when we checked the time, it was already 5 in the morning. He fixed himself and I lead him down to the gate.


Before he went back to his car, he hugged me really tight and gave me a kiss, a kiss that I can still feel.


He started the engine and left. I closed the gate and went back to my room.


The next day, he went back to Singapore.










I have to admit, I’m still in-love with Matthew, but to a different level now. If before, I was attracted to him physically and emotionally, now, I’m attracted to him intellectually along with the other two factors. It’s a deeper level now. And no more expectations this time.


It’s like we both signed another unwritten contract, that let us feel what we’re suppose to feel when the other is around, and feel what we’re suppose to feel when the other is not around. My very own Brokeback Mountain story. And I’m sure it’s not just because of my new haircut, but something more profound.


It’s the kind of love that can make you smile, that can make you think. It’s an unusual kind of love most people don’t want and refuses to feel. But it’s something euphoric, something to complete your day after a harsh day from work, before you close your eyes, and when you wake-up the next day. It’s not like a long distance kind of love. Something more profound. Something only the people in the kind of relationship understands.








Written by Patrick King Pascual

February 12, 2009 at 2:42 pm

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