Suspension of Disbelief

Chances

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It was a rainy Saturday night. I was on my way home after spending my night at Erick’s. He insisted to bring me home, after convincing him over and over that afternoon that I can go home alone.

The traffic started to jam when we reached España, everything slowed down. And the rain started to pour really hard.

Erick was sitting next to me; he took a nap, his left arm wrapped around my waist, while I silently complain about the slow traffic. He looked so peaceful, so calm, with no sign of worries or paranoia.

It’s already half past six in the evening. The traffic is still nowhere to its normal pace. We’re only 10 blocks away from my street, something tells me that we should alight the vehicle and walk our way to my house, but I thought to myself, I wouldn’t want to get myself wet with the rain pouring so hard, so I decided to not suggest it to Erick and wait.

The slow movement of the vehicle, gas then brake, gas then brake, awaken Erick. He stared at my direction smiling, he asked, “Are you hungry? Do you want to eat first?”

I looked at him and responded, “Not much, I think I’ll just eat at home.”

It wasn’t that long when we finally reached the corner of my street. As we went down the vehicle, we saw a group of kids parading in the rain, to celebrate the last day of Flores de Mayo.

The small parade was cute, bunch of kids wearing gowns that fit their small body, with a humble arch on top of them being held either by their brothers or someone who knows them. But the rain ruined the whole thing.

We crossed the intersection and walked our way to my house.

I opened the gate, leaving it ajar. I kissed Erick goodbye, and asked him to message me around 12 midnight as we had made plans to go to Malate or somewhere that night.

As I walked inside the house, the familiar tone of quietness, the stillness of everything welcomed me. Like any other night, I was alone in the house; everyone was out, having dinner with friends, doing their weekend routine or in the office working.

I went to the bathroom, washed my face and changed. I can’t help but look back to the last one month and three weeks I’ve known Erick.

***

It was Good Friday; I was in Puerto Galera with my friends.

Like last year, I went to the private party that was held every year in one of the apartments in Galera. There were booze, loud music, dancing, boys and sex.

As I slowly made my way inside, I decided to message my friends, that I will join them after two hours that I will attend a party in a different place.

On the door, there were three guys watching the entrance. One of them told me that it’s better to keep my phone in my pocket to avoid loosing it or what not. I kept my phone.

Inside, loud music was playing, some groups were doing drugs, and others were pairing and moving in the darker part of the room.

I decided to just stay where most people were just conversing with each other. I lit my Marlboro Lights and puffed my way through as I explore the whole place. I couldn’t see clearly the faces of the people inside.

Then, the door opened, a guy, topless, with a sharply carved chest and abs entered. I went towards his direction, trying to stop him, but he walked on the other way,

I felt disappointed and harshly embarrassed, as some of the guys looked at me and laughed a little.

I ignored them.

I continued to explore the whole party. Several minutes passed, I started to feel bored.

And suddenly, I felt a grabbed on my right arm. I was startled. I turned, and I saw that it was the same guy I was trying to hit before.

He grabbed me, hugged me, and he invited me somewhere private.

After 30 minutes or so, I told him that I will go to Mikko’s bar, where my friends are drinking and partying.

I took his hand and smiled at him, “Come with me..”

I spent the rest of our Galera trip with Erick. Tagging him along every time me and my friends party, or go somewhere else.

And on our last day, as Brent and I planned, we had a really fabulous lunch before we went back to Manila in one of the not-so-cheap restaurants in the island.

On our way to the left end of Galera where the restaurant is located, I received a call from Erick, “We’re on our way back to Manila, you take care okay. Message me when you reached the port of Batangas.”

“I will, thank you. Keep in touch.” I told him.

Earlier that day, like five in the morning, Erick and I discussed what will happen to “us” when we go back to Manila the next day. We both agreed to keep and continue what we already started and hope for the best. We promised to each other.

***

It’s almost two months since we got back from Puerto Galera, and I still haven’t made up my mind whether to say yes to him, to be in a relationship with him, or discontinue whatever we’re doing.

Three weeks back, I confessed to Erick that I’m not yet ready to a full committed relationship, that I still have a lot of questions to myself that I want answered before I enter something, and that I don’t want to be unfair to him.

His answer, “I’m not forcing you to do anything. Take your time. You’re not being unfair. I’ll continue what I’m doing, being good to you, being always for you… I want you and this, no need to worry about it”

He gently pulled me and he hugged me, we fell asleep on the position.

***

Am I being unfair to Erick? Am I just giving myself enough time and space to think and digest things after being single for a really long time? Or am I looking for something more that I haven’t felt with Erick?

 

 

 

 

 

patrick.king.pascual@gmail.com

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