Suspension of Disbelief

The Barista

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Today marks the second month I have been dating and going out with Erick. We did not celebrate it. Well, technically, there is noting to celebrate. We haven’t completely established the “on-going” status between us, but, I don’t know with Erick. He’s been the same since the last time we’ve talked.

A month ago, I told Erick directly that I’m sort of not ready to be in a relationship at the moment. Explaining, I came to the point where I opened myself completely for anyone who will come and after a series of disappointments; I unconsciously closed everything that welcomes “relationship”. He just looked at me and said, “I will continue what I’m doing now, being right here beside you, because I’m happy.”


If someone will examine the relationship between me and Erick, they will think that we are sharing a committed relationship, but the truth is; we’re not yet there. The problem being: Me.


After ending my two-year relationship with Bien three years ago, I dated and had sex promiscuously without any concern of what the last person I’ve bee with thinks of me or my lifestyle. There have been many chances that someone shows motive that they want something serious with me, upon learning, I will show them something crazy and stupid so they will be turned off and walk away from away.

I met several guys whom I thought to be “the one”. And after dating them for sometime, they turned out to be like any other guys. After several dates, after knowing you more and more, after feeling threatened with you and your status, they will just leave you. What really kills me is that they can’t give a concrete reason why they have to terminate the take-off relationship the two of you are starting. Or maybe, it’s me, am I pushing them away every time they feel to get closer to me?


Erick gave a pound of coffee to my sister, and some gift certificates. I thought to myself, “I need to start learning how to drink coffee to keep up with the freebies he’s been giving.” I know it’s not like you really need to learn how to drink coffee, it’s like you need to program yourself to drink caffeine-filled anything to fully enjoy it.

Is it time to order Latte’s and hang out in coffee shops and just say “Yes” to Erick? Is two months too much already for someone to think and analyze what he feels towards the other? Should I just let go of my inhibitions and follow what I feel at the moment?




Written by Patrick King Pascual

June 11, 2009 at 9:33 am

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