Suspension of Disbelief

Holding on to love

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Outrage Magazine | 11 April 2013

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When we’re faced with the trials of waiting, of the possibility of losing everything we’ve worked hard for, the danger of not knowing what will happen after we restart and reboot, we can’t help but wonder: When is the right time to just stand still and look at the big picture?

Everyday we are given with tons and tons of options – options that we can use to have a better understanding of things, or options that we can use to get what we really want. But more often than not, we find ourselves in a position where we think that we are better than we really are, thus making our decisions more complicated.

Andrew, a writer, an optimist and a hopeless romantic, met Rico six months ago.

It was a big slap back to reality when the two of them met. They flirted with each other, shared a lot of intellectual and intimate thoughts together, and it was pretty obvious that they liked each other.

Rico on the other hand, is still in the process of fixing himself after an awful break-up after a six year relationship – even though he said he’s already moved on, and trying to get away from another bad ending with his rebound relationship, who by the way is still messaging him even now.

But every time Rico and Andrew conversed, Rico told Andrew that he’s finally over his exes, even posting a brave status online: “Relationships are not a game or a toy, that when you’re done playing with it, you’ll just store it and put it away. And when you suddenly miss it, you’ll just run back in the closet and take it. That’s very wrong!”

When Andrew read that post, he was unsure if he’s supposed to be happy that Rico is finally over his two exes and was brave enough to post those kinds of things online.  It gave him hope…

He continuously flirted with Rico, and Rico responded to his flirting. The messages were mixed messages, but Andrew knew that it was not a one way thing.

They made a promise that they’re going to be there for each other for as long as they could. And they’re both stuck in that position.

Suddenly, Andrew met Sid.

Sid who is of the same age as Rico, expressed his interest to Andrew overtly. He’s been persistent for the longest time, showing Andrew how much he really likes him.

Just like Rico, Sid also came from a destructive break-up. He even considered moving to Europe just to get away from the situation he’s forced to face. He has been honest to everyone that he still blames himself for what happened, that he thinks of himself small because of several failed relationships.

Suddenly, one Thursday night, he met Andrew. The person who will forever change his life.

It was supposed to be one of those quickie type of meet-ups, but a better thing happened.

When Andrew first saw Sid, moving away from the car and towards his direction, he knew right then and there that this might be something different and special.

He was right.

Sid turned out to be one of the few guys out there who is not willing to give up to get what they really want. He’s been around Andrew most of the time, sharing his dreams, secrets… everything.

He never asked for anything in return for all the efforts he has been doing to make Andrew smile; just one thing – for Andrew to commit himself to Sid completely, no questions asked.

Andrew on the other hand, likes Sid – a lot. But for obvious reasons he just couldn’t; Rico and his insatiability to keep the promise they made to each other.

But slowly, Sid is starting to feel that he might not have a good chance in winning Andrew’s heart. But just like Andrew, a hopeless romantic, someone who values his promises; he doesn’t want to just leave and let go of everything.

Because after all, they say, Andrew is really special.

In life, when we meet someone who takes us to uncertain paths though that someone (also) constantly makes us happy, is it practical to keep that person even if we don’t know where the situation would lead us?

 

(Outrage Magazine remains the only publication for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in the Philippines.)

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