Suspension of Disbelief

Posts Tagged ‘Let It Will Be

And Ryan met Sebastian

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Outrage Magazine | 18 June 2016

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“He has been my crush since I saw ‘Bubble’ (Sebastian Castro’s music video),” Ryan Chua said.

But initially, there were no intentions for the two to have an actual face-to-face meet-up.

“I was (just) thrilled when he added me on Facebook and followed me on Twitter,” Ryan added.

As is common with online friends, the two chatted now and then.

But then fate had other plans for them.

In 2013, they finally met when Sebastian invited Ryan to his art exhibit. And that first time they met, “no one had to put his best foot forward or send chocolates and flowers just to please each other,” Ryan said to Outrage Magazine.

It was not an immediate “thing”; there wasn’t even any second meet-up. At that time, Sebastian had to fly to US and Ryan had to prepare to leave for the UK for his journalism scholarship.

But their communication continued. That is, while they were away from each other, they would Skype on a regular basis and talk about different things – from Philippine politics and entertainment gossips, to ideas for Sebastian’s new songs. And there were also surprise visits in between.

Ryan-and-Seb“We became best friends first even before any love confession was made,” Ryan said.

When Ryan finished his scholarship, he returned to the Philippines. The two started living together.

As a couple, they were almost always present in LGBT-related events. But as their relationship grew stronger, it also attracted bashers, many even from within the LGBT community.

“Hearing (negative) views comes with making a relationship public, especially when it’s between two men,” said Ryan, who nonetheless noted that the observations were somewhat superficial, comparing Ryan and Sebastian on “how we look.” “But we don’t let those comments affect our relationship. Most people see only the physical. Often, they don’t see the emotional and intellectual connection.”

But just as they’ve started establishing a life together in Manila, an opportunity came up for Ryan to work for a media outlet in Beijing, China.

Being apart from each other is not new to them; after all, they started out as online friends. Now, social media has become a tool for them to constantly communicate with each other.

“It is not always easy. Being away from each other always has challenges. I miss him every day. Nothing beats physical contact and intimacy,” Ryan said. “But we’re both mature enough to appreciate the joys of a one to three-hour Skype or Facetime call. When we don’t have time to call, short messages would do.”

Sometimes they would even watch movies or TV shows together while on a video call “because enjoying anything with him is always double the fun,” Ryan added.

Though they had not planned too far ahead into the future, they are currently focused on their own respective fields, so eventually, they could enjoy their successes together.

“I am very fortunate to have a partner who knows me more deeply than anyone does, who has big dreams like I do, and who understands that, sometimes, we need to be apart so that we could build a stable future,” Ryan ended.

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(Established in April 2007, Outrage Magazine remains the only publication exclusive for the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual and allied community in the Philippines.)

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Fighting for what we believe is beautiful – Adore Delano

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Outrage Magazine | 01 March 2015

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timthumb-1“It’s so cliché, but it’s always ‘be who you are’. Sometimes clichés are clichés because they’re right. It’s just as simple as that.  Don’t be afraid to just be who you are. Speak up, really.”

That is Adore Delano’s (real name:Danny Noriega) advice to young LGBTQ people.

“I always say that a lot of the drag queens get flak for what they do, but the first person in Stonewall who threw that stone in the glass was a drag queen. It’s like we fight for what we believe in and I think it’s a beautiful thing. If you have a voice, fucking speak up!”

Delano finished as one of the top three contestants on RuPaul’s Drag Race‘s sixth season, thereby making a name as an international drag queen. Even if she did not win the title as “America’s Next Drag Superstar”, she was one of the few queens who joined the reality show who ended up making a name somehow.

In an exclusive interview with Outrage Magazine, Delano recalled how the whole experience opened new doors for her life and career.

“My whole life changed. I can take care of my family now. I can confidently say that I don’t have to think about how much money I have in my bank account to buy this dress or anything.”

Delano could still recall how things were in the past, when she was just starting, “I was always that poor queen who would borrow $4 to buy a pack of cigarettes,” she said.  “But I don’t really have to do that anymore.”

Delano’s first album, “Till Death Do Us Party”, logged the biggest sales in a week from any of RuPaul’s Drag Race competitors, selling 5,000 copies during the week of its release.

The record also produced several singles that charted, like Party, which debuted at No. 3 on the Dance/Electronic Albums chart and at No. 59 on Billboard 200; and I Adore You, which debuted at No. 49 on the Hot Dance/Electronic Songs chart and at No. 34 on Dance/Electronic Digital Songs.

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Delano was in Manila recently, where casual and hardcore fans witnessed not only her singing prowess, but her wit.

“(My stay in Manila) has been fun. I think (the LGBT community here) is awesome. There are a lot of people who go to their favorite bars here, and they support the queens, and they appreciate all the work that these queens put on their shows. And they actually appreciate them,” Delano said.

Delano is now busy writing songs for her new album.

“I went through a lot of stuff last year and I get to put a lot of that into my music and just express myself,” she said.

And with her new album, she hopes to reach an even wider audience and inspire people through her songs.

“Hopefully people will gravitate towards the songs and can relate to them. I want to break new boundaries with my new album. And I’m really hoping that I hit the kids in the heart with my songs,” she said.

Delano recounted what it was like when she was growing up and how the things that happened to her
became life lessons.timthumb-2

“I was always unapologetic with the way that I was when I was growing up,” she said. “But it was hard. I got bullied a lot.”

Delano added: “You learn from that and you gain strength. It’s whether you fall from it or you learn from it and you build walls up. I felt like wearing makeup was like my superhero mask. And I was like, ‘no one’s going to fuck with me’.”

Delano has long moved from bitterness.  Asked what she can say to those who make the lives of LGBTQ people harder, she said: “They are wonderful. A friend of mine told me that when someone has anything to criticize against you, just look at them and say: ‘You are wonderful’. It’s good to just gravitate against all the negativity and just fuck them.”

For more information on Adore Delano, visit http://www.adoredelano.com, like her on Facebook, or follow her on Twitter.

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(Outrage Magazine remains the only publication for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in the Philippines.)

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Time stood still

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Outrage Magazine | 24 July 2013

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Time stood still

His name is Sid, he’s in his early 30s. He’s gay and a hopeless romantic.

He fell in love many times over with those we may call “not the right people”, though for him, it was a continuous journey of learning –  several weeks or months or even years spent in relationships that taught him all the lessons he needed to learn, and which made him the better person that he is at present.

Every time he entered a relationship, he couldn’t detach himself from the fear that’s been bugging him, that no matter how much he loved his current boyfriend, at the back of his mind, he unconsciously created a scenario that the relationship he’s currently in might and will turn out to be what he most feared of… that is for it to just end.

It’s not an issue of trust, no. It’s more of trauma. Because of what he’s been through before. The experiences he had with his previous relationships. It’s not an easy thing to forget; and while he may have moved on, the memory still and will always linger in his mind. He’d rather forget everything altogether, but he can’t seem to accept each and every event that had happened to him.

And based on experience, that never resolved anything. Thus, greatly affects his current situation.

His story may have happened a long time ago. His story may have happened years or months ago. His story may have happened just days ago or just yesterday.

Sid was already feeling hopeless… hopeless that he might not be able to stand up again and bring back his self-confidence and his clear view of life – all this because of the painful and traumatic experiences he had before.

And suddenly one Thursday night, time stood still.

It was supposed to be one of those quickie type of meet-ups, but a better thing happened.

He met this guy, this guy who would (at least in that time frame) change his life. A kind of change he never thought is possible and is supposedly intangible.

This new guy forced Sid to go back to his past, to reconvene with his past painful experiences and feelings, and little by little accept everything and learn from them.

Most people would say that Sid should have done this early on. That is, when he experienced those challenges and failed to resolve most, if not all, painful incidents that have happened to him before, he should have faced them all. But they (also) need to realize that every person has his own way to cope with different situations.

He froze time… so that he could run away from his past and escape the painful things, and forget everything that ever happened.

For many, what he did – forgetting his past and letting go of them without proper resolution – may be wrong; but for Sid, who experienced a series of traumatic experiences, at that time, that’s the least painful possible way he knew how to deal with them. What’s important is, at the present time, he’s already on the verge of completely accepting what happened to him before and uses every memory as his tool to stand back up and make a better life out of it.

This story may have happened a long time ago. This story may have happened years or months ago. This story may have happened just days ago or just yesterday. But the important thing here is, Sid stood brave to face his painful past and learn from them.

This new guy was not solely the reason why and how Sid bravely faced his past. He was just an instrument and inspiration. He just whispered to Sid’s ear, “Now is the right time to look back and resolve things; things that were supposed to be resolved a long time ago. And along the way, accept and learn from them. You owe it to yourself.”

In the end, Sid is the one who should be given credit for his own improvement, realization and acceptance.

After all, when Sid met this new guy, when he finally let himself go and open up, when he decided to take a deep breath and look back, time stood still. And this time, it was for the better.

Every time we experience painful things in our lives, we unconsciously resort to two things: revenge or forget and not forgive. It may not be wrong at the time of our pain and suffering, but we need to realize eventually that revenge and letting go with no proper resolution will only make things worse for ourselves – especially for our emotions, and the new people that enter our lives may also suffer because of it.

 

 

 

(Outrage Magazine remains the only publication for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in the Philippines.)

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At the Lion’s Road

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Published in Outrage Magazine Issue 20 | 03 November 2011

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They call it “The Mansion.”

It’s where you can meet different people;
A guy who could make you laugh but has the smallest dick in the room.
A straight acting gay who performs Sarah Brightman’s ‘La Luna’ flawlessly.
Someone who thinks he’s the best Lady Gaga impersonator.
A guy who likes you a lot but after blowing you, he’ll disappear.
Someone who will invite you in the dark room and later leave you for a bigger dick.
Someone who will ask you to bend over.
A mouth that can make you come more than once or twice.
And at times, someone who can be your friend.

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Nakarating ka na ba sa isang lugar kung saan ang mga pinapantasya mo ay maaring magkatotoo?

(Have you ever been in a place where most of your fantasies can become reality?)

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It was December of 2007, my first visit to “The Mansion”. I was with Anton, a very good friend, my partner in crime when exploring different places and/or “trips”.

I read about the place somewhere online. They reviewed it as an oldie but goodie with lots of surprises. I got curious. I downloaded the location map and messaged Anton.

We started our hunt one Tuesday evening. It was very difficult to find the place especially if you’re not familiar with the area. It took us 200 pesos, two hours, half pack of Marlboro Lights, until we finally found where Lion’s Road is.

Standing in front of us was a big red gate, housed by old bricks and wood. The aura was eerie and everything in front of us took us back to Japanese time.

Anton rang the bell. We waited.

As I lit my 12th Marlboro Lights, the big red gate opened. A middle-aged gay guy greeted us and led us in.

We were asked to sit on bench outside the main door. Anton borrowed my lighter and lit his 13th Marlboro. The guy left and went inside to call the manager.

Anton and I were whispering to each other while laughing, and quietly discussed if we’ll still go inside because we both felt scared.

“Good Morning Sir, what can I do for you?” We heard a voice coming from the door asking.

“We heard about this place and we want to be a member,” Anton answered.

He asked several questions; where did we found out about the place, do we know anyone who is already a member, and stuff. It’s not like one of those walk-in kinds of places.

After several minutes, we’re finally allowed to go inside and we became a member.

The ground floor was dark, only two lamp shades; one on the receiving area and the other on the stage area were lit. It would take time before your eyesight adjusts.

When you get inside, the stage are will greet you; they use it during big nights or whenever there’s an event, and during weeknights clients usually stay in the videoke area, it’s beside the stairs that leads to the second level and to the mini pool.

The structure of the videoke room and the stairs reminds me of the porn movie “A Body to Die For”, old and rustic. It’s like fulfilling your fantasy of having sex in an old house.

The second floor keeps the lockers and the first activity area.

From the thin cloth division of the activity room and the locker area, you can hear countless moans coming from the inside. Like a curious kid in Toy Kingdom, we went inside and explored it thoroughly.

I felt a hand touched my behind; I felt another grabbed my front. We continued walking and didn’t mind their touching.

I puffed my Marlboro Lights to give the place little illumination.

I saw three guys playing with each other on one bed, the one on top of the other, while the other is kneeling in front of the two.

I liked what I saw.

I moved to the other direction and puffed my Marlboro again. I saw two guys in a 69-position on the other bed, while the others sat around, watching, trying to join the action.    

After a quick ocular, we went out of the activity area, went down the stairs, and walked towards the pool area. We went straight to the pool bar and ordered beer and lit another Marlboro.

The bartender engaged us in a small conversation. He asked us if it was our first time in the place. Anton and I nodded.

He told us that on different days they offer different promos and themes, like; every Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays is their towel night, Tuesdays is their topless night, Thursdays is their brief night (your underwear and a hand towel), Saturdays is their event night, also a towel night, and Sundays is skin night (nothing on, just a hand towel).

After a few minutes, we left the pool bar and continued exploring the place. We walked on the side of the main house to get to the back house.

As we slowly reached the dark entrance of the back house, the silhouette of the people who were standing inside caught our attention. The number of people is double compared to the ones in the first activity area. They were standing side by side with each other, waiting for someone who will engage something with them, touching each other’s bulge, kissing each other while touching someone from their behind.

It felt like we were in Sodom and Gomorrah. It would be unethical to define it as Halfway to Heaven, but it felt like it. Like all the lust in the chatroom, dark rooms of Red Banana and Bath (when they were still open), the double-movie cinema experience in Quiapo and Libertad (the years when they were still operating) were all here, jammed in this dark, spine-chilling, fantasy like place. Anton and I called it, “the dungeon”.   

No matter how hard we puffed our Marlboro’s, the darkness of the place fought the ample light of our cigarettes.

We entered the dungeon, with our hands touching the walls and our feet sliding to the unfamiliar floor – for direction inside the spacious dark place.

Anton held my hand. We walked towards the middle. We heard moans. Felt several touches from our front and our behind.

We bumped to a group of people who were engaging in an orgy-like. I pulled Anton to have a closer look to what they were doing. I puffed my Marlboro and saw the outline silhouette of five guys standing in circle and one guy was kneeling in the middle blowing their dicks one after the other.

I felt someone touched my bulge and squeezed it like he was pulling me towards him. I got distracted. I spread my arms trying to touch and find him but I couldn’t, it was too dark, all I could grasp that was in my reach was Anton.

We went outside and went to the second floor of the dungeon, the video room. Anton led the way as I lit my last Marlboro.

The television was playing a familiar porn movie.

There were 3 people in the room. When we reached the end of the stairs and walked behind the bench in front the television, their attention focused to us, they’re like waiting for a go signal from us.

There’s also an activity room in the second floor, the third and last. It’s on the other side, separated by the brick wall and the wooden wall with glory holes. I think it was strategically placed in the video area, so while watching Jeff Palmer perform his bareback scenes, you can put your dick in one of the holes and wait for someone to suck it, or vice-versa.

Anton and I decided to cruise separately, to cruise on our own, and meet each other after two hours in the pool bar.

He stayed in the video room. I went back to the dungeon.

I heard the familiar moans again; I once again felt the heat coming from the bodies having a release with each other.

I wanted to light a cigarette but I remembered I finished everything I brought. And just on my way out of the dungeon to go to the bar and buy another pack of Marlboros, I felt someone grabbed my arm; it was the familiar arm grab I felt earlier.

I don’t know if I was hallucinating, because of the lack of Marlboro smoke in my body or he was the same guy who tried to pull me earlier. My other arm grabbed his hand, and I pulled him closer to me. I wanted to kiss him. There’s something in him that draws me closer to his lips even though I haven’t seen his face yet.

He pulled me outside the dungeon for a better view of each other.

He was tall. He has a nice set of arms. His body was like of a swimmer, with a not-so flat tummy. He was wearing a baseball cap. He smiled and whispered to my ear, “Let’s go to the locker area activity room.” I nodded and followed him.

When we got inside the activity room, there were only few people; the bed near the entrance was empty. He crawled on the bed and I followed him. I turned his cap around and started kissing him.

I unbuckled his belt, and unbuttoned his cargo shorts. I pulled down his brief, and started playing with his already hard and throbbing cock.

He unbuttoned my jeans and pulled it with my underwear down to my knees. We played with each other while kissing. I turned around. We were in 69-position.

Someone tried to join us, tried to reach for my dick but he grabbed the hand and pushed it away. He continued to give me head, I deep-throated him…

***

This is one of the countless stories I had in The Mansion.

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It was December of 2003 when The Mansion opened and catered to every gay’s fantasy and entertainment. A towel bar that changed the meaning of “bathhouse” to an unconventional way – a fantasy-driven place.

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The Mansion and the experiences I had inside were all euphoric. It’s addicting, there came a time that every night, after work, I’ll meet Anton somewhere in EDSA and go there.

There’s fantasy-fulfilment when you’re inside The Mansion, like an ego satisfaction. When you’re having sex with someone, and people gather around you and jerk off while watching you get off, the feeling is amazing, it’s cathartic…

 

(Outrage Magazine remains the only publication for the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) community in the Philippines.)

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This is Galera

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Puerto Galera, Holy Week 2011

Remnants from one end of the island, where gays used to…


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1AM, as the music faded, we made to our way to ‘Jurassic’ to check out the scene, halfway through, the ‘tanods’ stopped us and said that the area is closed.

And every time a group attempts to walk farther, the ‘tanods’ will scream at them and flash lights on their faces. It was a straight on harassment.

Written by Patrick King Pascual

April 22, 2011 at 7:48 am

Ms. Gay

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What’s the best way to steal the attention of the audience and convince the judges to give you high scores in a gay beauty contest where all 19 contestants were as beautiful like those you see in Ms. Universe? 

  

  1. National Costume. Pick the most controversial country at the moment. A country that’s been in the headlines for weeks because of the devastating earthquake it experienced. Haiti.   

And it wouldn’t be a politically correct Ms. Gay beauty pageant without a punch line. Bring a prop or an object that represents your country – a piece of hollow block.  

  

And here it is. 

 

  

When you get on the stage, say your spiel. You need to be as catchy as possible to get the attention of the audience and the judges. Pick a song that everyone can elate to. After singing few lines, introduce yourself in the most fascinating way you can. 

   

 

This was her line. 

  

“Mga tambay lang kami sawa sa babae, mga babaeng manloloko 

Pineperahan lang kami. Kaya ngayon bakla na lang an gaming iibigin 

Masarap magmahal ang bakla, ohh kay sarap…” 

  

Maayong gabii! Naimbag a rabii! All I want to say is Good evening. My name is Sophia Yambot, hayaan niyo pong pakilala ko sa inyo ngayong gabi ang babaeng nagpatibok sa puso at kumabit sa pambansang kamao, Krista Ranillo! Na nagmula sa bansang inalog-alog, kinadyot-kadyot ng lindol, Hai! Haiti!  

  

  

2.  Casual costume. Everyone will wear something sexy, for sure, something usual, like a cocktail dress or something revealing.

 

You need to stand-out. You don’t want to be ignored by the audience and the judges; prostitute and magbabalot. 

 

        

  

3.  The swimsuit segment is the most awaited by everyone, it’s the part of the  

     pageant where the contestants flaunt their beautiful and feminine like bodies.  

  

     Again, stand-out! Use a prop that will catch everyone’s attention. And make sure that your swimsuit is as outrageous as your prop. 

  

     See for yourself. 

                 

 

        

   

 

    4.   Finally, the evening gown competition.

                        

 

  

 

 

 

She won “Darling of the Crowd” Award.
She wasn’t chosen to be one of the top ten.
 

She was sad but she was not disappointed. 

 

It was a fun and memorable night for everyone. 

 

*** 

    

Ms. Gay is not about winning. I know all gays will contradict this. Ms. Gay is an art form. Being on stage, modelling, representing different countries and impersonating different celebrities – is an art. Ms. Gay contestants are like canvasses. They are being colored, dressed and changed into a whole new different person – to look like the pre-conceived “model” celebrities and personalities of our time.   

 

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Pride March 2009

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Pride March Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

PRIDE MARCH

  1. What is a Pride March?
    Pride Marches worldwide celebrate the courage, solidarity, resilience and contribution of gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans and queer people. The Pride March is a collective action of the LGBT community to express its concern over human rights issues affecting the community, including homophobia and discrimination.
  2. What is going to happen?
    On December 5:
    3pm – Registration/Walk-in (Remedios Circle)
    5pm – Parade/March (Down Remedios St., Right Roxas Blvd., Right Pedro Gil Ave., Right Taft Ave., Right Nakpil St., Orosa – End)
    7 pm- Candle lighting ceremony / Program / Pageant / Party
  3. What if it rains?
    We will march rain or shine. Be a girl/boy scout. Just be prepared and bring a colorful umbrella.
  4. Why should I be part of the PRIDE MARCH?
    It feels great to be out and proud to be surrounded by those who believe in the same causes. Taking to the street is a buzz. Once you’re part of a Pride March, you’ll be hooked on this special experience. It gives you a chance to be part of the LGBT community’s action to promote freedom and human rights. It gives you a chance to care and help fellow LGBTs who are discriminated and abused.”
  5. Do I have to pay anything to march?
    There is no registration fee. However, if people are able, we do suggest a donation of Php 50 for individuals; Php 200 for not-for-profit organizations; and Php 500 for for-profit organizations. Proceeds will be used to defraying the expenses used to organize the pride march.

Participants

  1. If my org doesn’t attend any preparation meetings can I and/or my organization still march?
    Yes. Just show up at 3 pm at Remedios Circle and check-in at the registration booth.
  2. Who can join the pride march?
    Everyone can join the pride march including but not limited to the following:
    – Individuals without organizations (you will be marching under the banner of Task Force Pride or join any group)
    – Both LGBT and non-LGBT Organizations
    – Parents, Friends and Pets
    – LGBT individuals and non-LGBT individuals
  3. Can I bring my friends?
    Yes bring as many as you like.
  4. Do I have to be out to march?
    No. You may bring a mask or disguise as needed to take part of activities

Preparation

  1. Is the color coordination a requirement? Why do we need colors?
    Clothing Color coordination is only a guideline (not a policy) to show some level of organization and consistency of groups. You as an organization or individual can actually come as you are to march.
  2. What do we need to bring to the march?
    It is recommended to bring the following

    • comfortable clothes for walking,
    • candles for the candle light ceremony,
    • placards, signs, flyers, business cards
    • sound makers e.g. whistle, drums
    • lights (since march is close to dusk) e.g. glowsticks
    • cameras or video cams
    • water and
    • a whole lot of pride, enthusiasm and voice!

 

(Lifted from Task For Pride Philippines)

Written by Patrick King Pascual

December 2, 2009 at 11:51 am

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